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mrivey eh Tefneeuve. Somehow this disclosure ‘seemed to disty~= im deeply, perhaps because it fan entirely mew light on his ron Wons with the British. If the British—-or some of them —had known about his Russian connections all along, he was the one who had been fooled. He thought he was spying on them, but they were keeping an eye on bim | and had trusted implicitly, a man from whom LU had withheld nothing, was in fact a master of deception. {tis hard for me io put into Words just how painful and bewil- dering this discovery was. But at that early siage I ‘refused to be defeated by it: somehow | felt th: Problem could be licked, The wall which was growing up between us could yet be scaled, a —tryi i ins If thisfwere true, much of what he Next eae 1967, i passed on to Soviet Intelligence ext week: Life with the 7 y Macleans, a would be valueless. Finally he said quietly, but with more than 3 touch ide: ‘I've been working for y Years, not just for seven years.” Several days later, after all our Jong talks together, I asked him a straight leading question: * What is more important in your life, me and-the children or the Communist Party ?* We answered firmly and witnout a moment's besitation: ‘The party, of course.’* Dedicated. \ this made me feel rather foolish. I was sorry I had asked the ques- tion, 1 had never met a truly dedicated Communist before. Kim very rarely mentioned his political convictions and - had always thought we shared the same views. Our conversation from day to day was much ‘as it had been in Beirut, concerned With the diverting trivia of daily life. On ideolo tions he gave nothing aw: Mucb later I said to a1 You should have married a Communist, ‘a dedicated Communist, nobody else." “You are absolutely right," he replied. These conversations could not fail to steer our personal relations into entirely new channels. I had s felt thar one of the most jous things which bound us jogether Was that we had av secrets from each other, but f could mo longer cherish this illusion. ¢ bad to adjust myself to the anew situation because I sensed it would never be different, [ quickly realised * that would never know the com- pieie uth about Kim's secret life. The exact nature of his work, the circumstances of his departure + from Beirut, much of the Jast 30 years of his life—these would for | eer remain a mystery. ad the Communist Party, nor did | have any Nesire to become one. I don't suppose they would have - accepted me, even if I had begged them. Gradually, but war